On visting a seriously ill lawyer in the hospital, his friend found him sitting up in the bed, frantically leafing through the bible "What are you doing?" asked the friend. "Looking for loopholes," repied the lawyer.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Monday, January 30, 2012
Film awards...what is the best
Sundance 2012: Our Final Recap & 10 Favorite Films of the Festival - First Showing - http://www.firstshowing.net/2012/sundance-2012-our-final-recap-10-favorite-films-of-the-festival/
Man and woman
A husband and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. "You aren't so good in bed either!" he shouted and stormed off to work. By midmorning, he decided he'd better make amends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife picked up the phone. "What took you so long to answer?""I was in bed.""What were you doing in bed this late?""Getting a second opinion."
Church humor
Three Pastors were having lunch together at a diner.The first Pastor said: "Ya know, since summer started I've been having trouble with mice in my church. I've tried everything. Noise, spray, cats. Nothing seems to scare them away."The second Pastor then said: "Yea, me too. I've got hundreds living in the basement of the church. I've set traps and even called an expert to get rid of them, yet they still won't go away."With a grin on his face, the third Pastor said: "I had the same problem so I baptized all mine and made them members of the church ... Haven't seen one back since!"
Political humor
Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and George Washington are on a sinking ship.As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts: "Save the women!"George W. Bush hysterically hollers: "Screw the women!"Bill Clinton's asks excitedly: "Do we have time?
A doctor is going about his business, with a rectal thermometer tucked behind his ear.He goes into a staff meeting to discuss the days activities, when a co-worker asks why he has a thermometer behind his ear?In a wild motion he grabs for the thermometer, looks at it and exclaims: "Damn, some asshole has my pen!"
Blonde joke
A blonde walks into a shop and gets one of the staff to help her find a TV. She finds one and says: "Can I buy that TV please?"Staff guy: "No I don't serve blondes!"Blonde: "Wait here!" She runs of, dyes her hair black and comes back in and says: "Can I buy that TV please?"Staff guy: "No I don't serve blondes!"Now the blonde is getting confused so she goes and dyes her hair red and comes back in and says: "Can I buy that TV please?"Staff guy: "No I don't serve blondes!"Blonde: "Why do you keep on calling me a blonde?"Staff guy: "Because that's not a TV that's a microwave!"
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